Krumpin: DGAD scored 217 and left the league a forwarding address
By Skip Krump, Senior Columnist, Unlicensed League Psychiatrist
Week 2 gave us one score from another tax bracket, one four-point knife fight, two teams discovering 0-2, and a trade market that now looks less like strategy and more like people fleeing a small fire. DGAD scored 217.05. Read that again slowly, preferably near a handrail. The second-best Krumpin score was 162.60. DGAD beat that by 54.45 and beat BNF by 111.23, which is no longer fantasy football so much as a municipal annexation.
The other headline belongs to Haters Gonna Hate. Jonathan Taylor arrived, scored 30.50, and helped turn Tony’s Terrific Team’s 145.66 into a loss. That is the specific cruelty of head-to-head after an all-play opener: Week 1 taught everyone to stare at the cut line. Week 2 handed Tony’s the fourth-highest score and a bill.
The games, with the fingerprints still on them
GolfNut 121.53, King James 108.22
GolfNut got 25.78 from Bryce Young, 23.20 from DeVonta Smith and 22.40 from Christian McCaffrey, which is how a tidy 13.31-point win gets built without needing a parade. King James had Dak Prescott’s 32.36 and Dalton Schultz’s 19.40, then watched Malik Nabers contribute 0.30 and Tre Tucker’s 20.90 glow from the bench like an emergency exit sign. That is not a tragedy. It is a receipt.
4th and INCHES 162.60, Dat’s It 111.87
The week’s second-largest hammer belonged to 4th and INCHES. CeeDee Lamb dropped 32.40, the Patriots defense somehow found 25.00, and the famous $100 Drew Lock returned 22.60 like the world’s strangest savings bond. Dat’s It answered with Jaylen Waddle’s 18.40 and Bo Nix’s 16.42. The answer was polite, correctly formatted, and 50.73 points too short.
Ball Don’t Lie 136.05, Ghost of Twomp 98.01
Ball Don’t Lie started Jared Goff and Kirk Cousins for 52.00 combined, then let Omarion Hampton and Derrick Henry do the furniture moving. Ghost of Twomp got 22.00 from the newly acquired Jahmyr Gibbs, but Jayden Daniels’ 17.14 arrived with the worst kind of Sunday baggage. On Sept. 20, Ghost wrote, “Both my qb got a cart ride today.” The score is real; the injury luck was cruel. No roster sermon is needed when the ambulance already wrote the column.
DGAD 217.05, BNF 105.82
DGAD did not win a matchup. DGAD filed a hostile takeover. Josh Allen scored 45.72, Jaxon Smith-Njigba 39.30, Davante Adams 36.60 and Travis Kelce 21.40. Those four alone reached 143.02, comfortably past BNF’s entire 105.82. BNF’s C.J. Stroud led the resistance with 19.02. The resistance was then asked to leave the building.
EzMoney 142.29, My Team Sucks! 104.27
EzMoney turned James Cook III, Chris Olave, George Kittle and a 17.60-point kicker into a clean reversal of Week 1. My Team Sucks! got 23.50 from Kenneth Walker III but benched Deshaun Watson’s 21.72 behind Daniel Jones’ 13.10. The name was charming last week at 1-0. At 1-1, it has become evidence.
Haters Gonna Hate 149.81, Tony’s Terrific Team 145.66
This was the adult game: a 4.15-point margin with both clubs landing real punches. Brock Purdy scored 31.58, Jonathan Taylor paid off the trade immediately with 30.50, and the Panthers defense brought an absurd 26.75 for Haters. Tony’s got 31.50 from Amon-Ra St. Brown, 28.48 from Matthew Stafford, 19.70 from Stefon Diggs and 18.60 from Jake Ferguson. That normally buys a win. This week it bought a very expensive 0-2.
Dan’s Deepball 122.06, Kittle Corn 94.72
Patrick Mahomes and Ja’Marr Chase supplied 53.78 for Dan’s Deepball, with Rashod Bateman adding 17.70. Kittle Corn unveiled the rebuilt quarterback room and received 24.48 from Tyler Shough, then discovered that a room still needs walls. Dalton Kincaid’s 19.40 helped; no other starter reached 15. The assembly instructions may have been traded with Gibbs.
The standings have started lying less
Four teams leave Week 2 at 2-0: GolfNut, 4th and INCHES, Ball Don’t Lie and Haters Gonna Hate. DGAD, EzMoney and Dan’s Deepball repaired their openers and joined King James, Dat’s It and My Team Sucks! at 1-1. Ghost of Twomp, BNF, Tony’s Terrific Team and Kittle Corn are 0-2, although Tony’s 145.66 deserves a public defender and Ghost deserves an injury exemption that does not exist.
Skip’s love, hate and one bad idea
Love: DGAD’s collection of premium adults. Allen, JSN, Adams and Kelce turned the matchup graphic into a ransom note. Also love: Haters buying Taylor and receiving 30.50 immediately. Trades are usually judged too fast; this one asked to be judged before the receipt finished printing.
Hate: King James finding 20.90 from Tre Tucker after the lineup had already chosen several smaller numbers. Also hate: any plan that requires scoring 145 and hoping the opponent behaves. Tony’s did the hard part and still got mugged.
Bold call: DGAD will not score 217 again next week. This is analysis at its bravest. The less obvious call is that Kittle Corn’s reconstruction eventually works, because Shough and Kincaid already delivered. “Eventually” is carrying enough weight to qualify at tight end.
Transactions desk
The week’s biggest roster consequence was already on the field: Jonathan Taylor paid Haters immediately, Jahmyr Gibbs led Ghost of Twomp, and Kittle Corn’s rebuilt group produced two useful starters but not enough supporting points. The next waiver run now has four 0-2 teams shopping with the calm posture of people who definitely did not search “can a fantasy season end in September.”
Week 2 is final. DGAD owns the high score, the 2-0 clubs own the clean records, and everyone else owns a screenshot that can be used against them.
— 30 —
Standings after Week 2
