NorCal-Aussie: Third-lowest score, still undefeated

I need a minute with this table. Week 4 was head-to-head, half a point per catch, and allergic to justice. Keenan Allen’s head hung 208.66, the high score in a 12-team league, and left at 2-2. Shough Me the Money scored 119.98, the third-lowest total on the board, and stayed 4-0. Lathrop Raptors lost by 2.56 with 27.5 points on the bench. The pretty afternoon was not the assignment.

The club that answered to NEED MOORE FLOWERS a week ago spent this one as Keenan Allen’s head. The name on the door did not appear in the starting twelve or on the bench. The roster did not ask. Tetairoa McMillan scored 38.2. Kyren Williams scored 31.7. Javonte Williams scored 28.8. Jonathan Taylor scored 22.2. Zay Flowers scored 21.8. Bryce Young scored 21.46. Projected 160.36. Finished 208.66. That is not a projection. That is a parade. RedPanda brought CeeDee Lamb at 32.8 to a team total of 121.34 and lost by 87.32. Rachaad White finished at 0.0. Travis Kelce finished at 2.5. A fine speech, delivered to an empty room. RedPanda falls to 1-3. Keenan Allen’s head moves to 2-2 with 656.42 points on the year, 7.88 behind Byrobowl || and two wins behind the record. Points are not a moral argument. They are also not a win column.

Byrobowl || beat Baldy 183.16 to 139.48. Father and son, same matchup, so the table gets to hear it once and then go back to the roster. Nico Collins 27.3, Chuba Hubbard 25.4, C.J. Stroud 23.08, Jared Goff 20.48, Sam LaPorta 18.4, and Ka’imi Fairbairn at 16.0. Baldy had Joe Burrow at 25.72 and Malik Nabers at 20.2. The bench topped out at Tre’ Harris, 7.5. This was not a lineup tragedy. It was 43.68 points and a son who is now 4-0. Baldy scored the sixth-highest total in the league and is 0-4. Sixth-highest, zero wins. The relationship is furniture. The record is the point.

Shough Me the Money came in 3-0, was projected 148.16, and scored 119.98. Won by 11.22 over Wheat Hill Weasels. Tenth of twelve. Third-lowest score in the league, and the other unbeaten. Bijan Robinson 27.2 on Monday, Spencer Shrader 16.0, Tyler Shough 15.94. Rashee Rice 0.0. Marcus Mariota 5.34. RJ Harvey put 14.3 on the bench, and the win did not need him. The Weasels were projected 151.18 and scored 108.76, the low score of the week. Jake Bates 18.0 was the best player on a losing club. Parker Washington 1.5. Emeka Egbuka 2.3. Kalif Raymond 1.6. Both sides missed the number by a mile. Only one of them is 4-0. The next week that does not include a 108.76 opponent is the one to watch. That is a call, and I am willing to be wrong in public.

Ninja Turtles came in 0-3 and leave 1-3. Drake Maye 27.16, Josh Allen 19.52, Brock Bowers 17.6, Chris Olave 15.6 on Monday, Cam Little 14.0. George Holani at 2.5 was the quiet slot. The total was 163.48, third-highest in the league, and it was the first win. Tuten My Own Horn had Tee Higgins at 21.2 and Tyquan Thornton at 25.6 on the bench. Stack Thornton on a finished 136.56 and the sum still finishes short of 163.48. The Turtles did not need a gift. They needed a week. Tuten falls to 2-2. A first win with the third-highest score is not a dynasty. It is a start. The table can clap and then ask what took four weeks.

True Quarterback beat Sunday Best Phong 127.2 to 112.6. Kenneth Walker III scored 30.4 and the rest of the sheet was ordinary. Garrett Wilson 4.2. Jakobi Meyers 4.8. Davante Adams 5.2. Ordinary was enough. Phong came in with the most points through three weeks and leaves 2-2 after the 11th-highest score of this one. Patrick Mahomes 17.0. Kirk Cousins 23.6. Christian McCaffrey 14.5. Jalen Coker 0.0. Mike Evans at 10.1 stayed on the bench and does not close a 14.6 gap alone. Walker was the week. True Quarterback moves to 2-2 on the eighth-highest score. Not pretty. Enough. Phong’s projection of 134.23 did not survive the weekend, and the points lead through Week 3 is no longer the points lead.

Then the box that should be read out loud. Lathrop Raptors 143.62, Block Party Ray 146.18. Fifth-highest score in the league, a loss. Fourth-highest, a win, by 2.56. Kyle Monangai scored 27.5 and was benched. Tony Pollard started at 12.0. That swap crosses the line. The Saints finished at minus 3.0, and 3.0 is larger than the margin, which is its own insult. There was no other defense on the bench. The decision was the running back. Alvin Kamara scored 20.3 on Monday and the week was already gone. Ray won it with Emanuel Wilson at 25.5, Aaron Rodgers at 23.96 on Thursday, and Puka Nacua at 23.2, plus Saquon Barkley at 1.5 and Kenyon Sadiq at 0.0. Ugly, and enough. Both clubs leave at 2-2. One of them will be explaining a benching at dinner. The other will be explaining Barkley, which is a shorter speech.

The table after four weeks is a pile with two names on top. Byrobowl || and Shough Me the Money at 4-0. Seven clubs knotted at 2-2. Ninja Turtles and RedPanda at 1-3. Baldy alone at 0-4. Six playoff spots, and the line currently runs through Lathrop Raptors at 561.48 points, with Tuten My Own Horn 0.38 behind at 561.10. Ninja Turtles have 592.82 points, more than the 535.98 on unbeaten Shough Me the Money. A first win, and a points lead over an undefeated club, is what head-to-head does when the schedule is the opponent. Ranked by record, then total points scored. The order is the order. The argument is the bench.

Two loves. Byrobowl || — Nico, Chuba, Stroud, Goff — and the Turtles cashing Maye and Bowers for a win that took four weeks to arrive. Two hates. Monangai benched in a game lost by 2.56, and Rice at zero on a 4-0 week. The call, labeled as a call: the seven-team knot at 2-2 will not still be seven after Week 6. Someone in that pile is about to have a Shough week without a Weasels opponent. I would not bet the dinner on which name. I would bet the pile breaks.

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