NorCal-Aussie: Phong lost the reservation; the Weasels ate anyway

By Skip Krump, Senior Columnist, Unlicensed League Psychiatrist

RedPanda handed Phong a first loss, Shough stayed perfect, and the Weasels brought 166.78 to dinner.

The family table finally asked Sunday Best Phong to share. RedPanda answered with 155.56, enough to hand the former 2-0 pace-setter a first loss despite Phong’s 148.36. Shough Me the Money and Byrobowl || stayed unbeaten; Wheat Hill Weasels supplied the week’s loudest plate at 166.78. This is head-to-head, half-PPR football, where a good dinner can still come with a losing check.

The games and their receipts

Shough Me the Money 146.82, Ninja Turtles 137.12

Shough Me the Money stayed perfect, 146.82 to 137.12. Bijan Robinson scored 34.30, Tyler Shough 24.80 and Juwan Johnson 19.30; Ninja Turtles got 22.60 from Brock Bowers and 19.10 from Jaylen Warren. The Turtles’ superflex Drake Maye gave back only 5.76, while Cam Ward’s benched 10.44 would not have erased 9.70. Shough’s own starter Jameis Winston scored 6.12 with Marcus Mariota’s 20.42 benched. Even the winner has a lineup note waiting beside the dessert fork.

Wheat Hill Weasels 166.78, Baldy 127.32

The Weasels hit 166.78, the week’s high, with Jahmyr Gibbs at 37.90, Brock Purdy at 31.28 and Jacoby Brissett at 25.60. Baldy had Joe Burrow’s 22.58 and Deebo Samuel Sr.’s 15.40, then ran out of answers at 127.32. There was no close-call bench tragedy here. The Weasels started the right loud people and turned a family league game into a noise complaint.

Byrobowl || 151.44, Block Party Ray 94.20

Byrobowl || remained unbeaten at 151.44, with George Kittle (23.20), Jared Goff (19.36) and Christian Watson (19.10) keeping the plate full. Block Party Ray finished at 94.20 despite Aaron Rodgers’ 23.68; Monday’s Jalen Hurts (13.62), Saquon Barkley (8.50) and Eagles defense (0.00) could not rescue it. Byrobowl had Matthew Stafford’s 20.90 benched, a small upgrade over Goff but not a remotely decisive omission. The 57.24-point gap did not need a microscope.

Lathrop Raptors 139.56, True Quarterback 116.16

Lathrop Raptors moved to 2-1 with Sam Darnold’s 27.66, Derrick Henry’s 21.40 and Ja’Marr Chase’s 20.30. True Quarterback got Garrett Wilson’s 21.70 and Kenneth Walker III’s 20.30, but 116.16 fell short of 139.56. The team named for its position started Jordan Love and Baker Mayfield for 31.76 combined; Darnold alone nearly matched them. Family-table teasing is allowed when the sign over the door writes the punchline first.

RedPanda 155.56, Sunday Best Phong 148.36

RedPanda collected a first win by beating the former 2-0 Sunday Best Phong, 155.56 to 148.36. Geno Smith’s 26.04, Drake London’s 23.90 and Jeremiyah Love’s 19.40 gave the underdog room to breathe. Phong still had Jaxon Smith-Njigba’s 30.36 and Harold Fannin Jr.’s 20.60. Benched Kirk Cousins (22.22) exceeded started Deshaun Watson (20.26), but that 1.96 would not have closed a 7.20 gap. This was an upset, not a quarterback-swap fairy tale.

Tuten My Own Horn 154.62, NEED MOORE FLOWERS 117.08

Tuten My Own Horn beat NEED MOORE FLOWERS 154.62 to 117.08, with Trevor Lawrence (20.78), Lamar Jackson (20.44) and Michael Wilson (20.40) sharing the work. Monday’s Luther Burden III added 16.30. NEED MOORE FLOWERS had Dak Prescott’s 18.94 and Kyren Williams’ 18.80, and left Bo Nix’s 25.14 benched over Bryce Young’s 14.64. That ten-and-a-half-point upgrade still would not approach a 37.54-point gap. The bench was annoying; the opponent was the problem.

Standings through Week 3

Byrobowl || and Shough Me the Money alone reached 3-0. Phong fell to 2-1 yet has 484.02 points, more than unbeaten Byrobowl’s 481.14; nobody should confuse one loss with a cooked roster. Ninja Turtles are 0-3 with 429.34 points, more than unbeaten Shough’s 416.00. That is head-to-head scheduling wearing a family name tag. RedPanda finally climbed to 1-2, while Baldy joined the Turtles at 0-3. The table ranks wins first and total points second, not the quality of the excuse offered at dinner. None of these records is a forecast: next week is a new opponent, a new lineup, and another chance to discover that a benched quarterback has impeccable timing.

Love: RedPanda finally making a good score count, and the Weasels turning Purdy and Gibbs into a 166.78-point dinner bell. Hate: Ray’s Monday quartet adding so little against Byrobowl. Also hate: Shough winning while leaving a better quarterback line on the bench; the result will not always be this forgiving. Bold call: RedPanda’s first win will age better than its 1-2 record suggests. Week 4 will tell whether the new team names are a makeover or just new place cards. — 30 —