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# Week 1 Thursday: one game, seven boxes, zero adults
- URL: https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/week-1-thursday-one-game-seven-boxes-zero-adults/
- Published: 2026-09-10T22:35:02.000Z
- Updated: 2026-09-10T22:35:02.000Z
- Author: Joe
- Tags: Am I Krumpin

Thursday night in the NFL is a small sample wrapped in a large opinion. One game. Patriots-Seahawks. A hip, an ankle, a tight end who already had surgery, and fourteen Yahoo scores that now have numbers in them so this league can pretend Week 1 started.

Week 1 is all-play. Top seven scores get a win. Bottom seven get a loss. Yahoo will still draw pretty little vs. lines. Ignore them. The only ranking that matters is the live total. After one NFL game that ranking is a crime against sample size. It is also the board.

*By SKIP KRUMP · Senior Columnist, Unlicensed League Psychiatrist*

## The NFL wreckage, in Superflex English

Brock Bowers had a meniscus trim and is out for Week 1\. That is not a “wait and see.” That is Haters Gonna Hate’s Tight End Cinematic Universe losing the expensive twin before the credits. Haters spent $32 on Bowers and $21 on Loveland so Haters could start two TEs and lecture the room about positional scarcity. The lecture just got postponed. If Bowers is still in that lineup tonight, Haters are not Superflex savants. Haters are a team that did not check the medicals. Hate: Haters leaving Bowers in. Love: Haters actually using Loveland, which is the only reason that TE spend was not a bit.

Sam Darnold left the opener with a hip. Reports say he is expected to miss Week 2\. Anyone who streamed him as a QB2 just discovered Superflex the hard way. Anyone who did not roster him should not pretend they “faded Darnold.” They either paid the QB tax and had no room — or they forgot the tax entirely and started Fields, which is worse.

A.J. Brown’s Patriots debut ended with an ankle. EzMoney’s 10.20 is not a Superflex masterclass. That is a skill player getting hurt in a new offense on a Thursday in September. Brown at $35 was supposed to be EzMoney’s adult receiver next to Cook. Now it is a medical update and a projection that still thinks EzMoney is fine. The projection is a coward.

## All-play board after one NFL game (live, not final)

Top seven currently “win.” Bottom seven currently “lose.” Yahoo H2H is fan fiction this week. First number is live. Parentheses are the projection.

**The seven who would get the W right now**

1. **DGAD 22.30 (135.33)** — Jaxon Smith-Njigba 22.30: 122 yards, a touchdown, five first downs. Solved the board, then actually scored. Allen tax, collected early. Still Cowboys D. Winning all-play on a Thursday sample is both correct and insufferable.
2. **4th and INCHES 18.75 (134.60)** — Rhamondre Stevenson 12.00, Patriots D 6.75\. Eighteen points with Geno as the Superflex plan. Jefferson and Lamb in the trophy case, scraps on the scoreboard. In all-play that 18 is a fake win until Sunday. It is still sitting in the top seven, which is more than King James can say.
3. **My Team Sucks! 15.42 (121.19)** — Drake Maye 13.22 (178 pass, 3 INT, 47 rush), AJ Barner 2.20\. Seahawks D 15.75 sat on the bench catching those picks. The warning label already has 15\. If this holds, the rest of the league has to live inside the joke. Projection 121 is not pretty. Live 15 is prettier than six teams with a zero.
4. **EzMoney 10.20 (118.82)** — Andy Borregales 6.00, A.J. Brown 4.20\. All of it from a Thursday that ended with Brown’s ankle. All-play does not care. Ten points is currently a win. It is also a kicker and a medical report wearing a jersey.
5. **Ghost of Twomp 8.20 (128.03)** — Jadarian Price 8.20: 52 rush yards, four rushing first downs. Two first-round QBs, eight points, WR room still a dare. Dual-threat, single-digit, currently in the money. Superflex ceiling, Thursday floor.
6. **Dat's It 6.60 (124.82)** — Jason Myers 6.60\. Two quarterbacks, Kyren still in Melbourne, 6.60 that is hanging onto the cut line like a man in a bunker. All-play is cruel to slow starts. Dat's It is the last ticket on the train because a kicker made a kick.
7. **GolfNut 3.70 (133.76)** — Hunter Henry 3.70: 26 yards, three catches, one first down. Lamar, CMC, Bryce Young in the superflex, 3.70 live. That is a tee time with no birdie and a current win. All-play in Week 1 will let 3.70 into the club. Do not frame it.

**The seven who would get the L right now**

1. **Ball Don't Lie 0.60 (128.43)** — Rashid Shaheed 0.60 on four receiving yards. Henry, London, Goff’s cap hit, and a name that promised honesty. This is honest. It is also a loss if the week ended tonight.
2. **King James 0.00 (134.98)** — Nobody from the opener. Commish. Crown. Puka in Melbourne. Zero. All-play does not grade patience. It grades the number. The number is zero. Leadership.
3. **BNF 0.00 (139.41)** — Nobody started and scored. Henderson Out on the bench, Charbonnet PUP. Dart, Stroud, Nico, best projection in the zeros club. Still a zero. Smart Superflex, empty Thursday. All-play is not impressed by homework.
4. **Dan's Deepball 0.00 (128.97)** — Nobody from Patriots-Seahawks. Burrow, Mahomes, Bijan, Chase, and $13 of civilization. Also zero. Stars-and-scrubs does not get a bye just because the stars play Sunday.
5. **Haters Gonna Hate 0.00 (124.68)** — Nobody from the opener. Bowers in a knee movie, Herbert and Purdy still in the building, zero on the board. The TE thinkpiece is on IR. The all-play column is an L.
6. **Tony's Terrific Team 0.00 (142.70)** — Nobody from the opener. Highest projection of the zeros. Stafford, Amon-Ra, 142 on paper, 0.00 in the app. Terrific is a strong word for a team all-play would currently bury.
7. **Kittle Corn 0.00 (133.38)** — Nobody from Patriots-Seahawks. Gibbs, Taylor, a brand-new Kyler, CMC already shipped, Fields already benched, still zero. The $161 sandwich has not punched the clock. All-play is undefeated against this roster so far.

Cut line after GolfNut. Seven above, seven below. One NFL game. Do not screenshot this as a standings. Do screenshot it as content.

## Wire, because the lineup screen is still winning

Kittle Corn is not done confessing. After the CMC heist they dumped Trey Lance, Minshew, and Pickett for Brian Robinson, Cade Klubnik, and Mason Rudolph. That is a Superflex support group getting a roster update, not a quarterback room. Kittle Corn already paid the CMC tax twice. Now Kittle Corn is speed-dating backup QBs on a Thursday. Process: better than Fields. Optics: refreshing Yahoo like it owes them money. All-play: still in the bottom seven.

4th and INCHES already swapped Mac Jones for Cooper Rush. Mac is a 49er. Melbourne is today. That is either a fade of the international game or a team that watched Jones and decided inches were inches. 4th and INCHES is also sitting second in all-play on 18.75 of Thursday scraps. The format is a slot machine.

## Love / hate

**Love:** DGAD’s 22\. Paid Allen like adults and currently owns the all-play lead. Still Cowboys D. Two thoughts at once.

**Love:** My Team Sucks! in the top three with 15 while the cute names sleep. Nominative determinism is on the clock.

**Hate:** Haters with Bowers still in a starting TE slot after a meniscus trim. That is not loyalty. That is a click Haters did not make.

**Hate:** GolfNut’s remaining Superflex after trading Kyler. Lamar cannot play two positions. CMC in a flex does not throw. A 3.70 “win” is not a personality.

**Call (this column can be wrong):** The current top seven does not hold through Melbourne plus Sunday. EzMoney’s 10.20 with a banged-up Brown is the first ticket to fall. Fade it.

## Melbourne: 49ers vs Rams, where this league actually has skin

First NFL game in Australia. Travel is a thing. Jet lag is a thing. The all-play cut line is 3.70\. Several of these names are about to jump it or get buried by it.

**King James — Puka.** King James has 0.00 and a projection of 135 because Yahoo believes in Nacua more than it believes in the crown. If Puka eats in Melbourne, the commish leaves the bottom seven. If the travel game is a dud, King James spends Sunday explaining why the crown is a slow burn. Start Puka. Sitting Nacua is how King James stays in the loss column on purpose.

**Dat's It — Kyren.** Dat's It is 6.60, last team in the current win seven. Kyren in a Rams-Niners slog is either 18 touches or a committee. In 0.2 PPR he still needs the volume. Sitting the RB1 in a novelty kickoff is how Dat's It slides under GolfNut and into an L. Start Kyren.

**GolfNut — CMC.** GolfNut traded a Superflex QB to get him and currently clings to the last win slot at 3.70\. CMC in Melbourne is the whole argument. Quiet 8 and GolfNut drops into the bottom seven. A 22 and GolfNut looks like a genius for 12 hours. Start CMC. The format already taxed GolfNut. Collect.

**DGAD — Davante.** DGAD is winning all-play. Sitting a veteran WR in a featured game because of international air is shy, and the board-solvers do not get to be shy. Allen already did Thursday work.

**Haters — Purdy.** Bowers is down. Haters still have two QBs on purpose and a zero on the board. Purdy in Melbourne is how Haters climb out of the loss seven. Sitting the QB2 because of jet lag is how Superflex teams go 5-9 with a TED Talk.

**EzMoney — Kittle.** EzMoney is fourth in all-play on an ankle. George Kittle against the 49ers’ travel week is not a sit. EzMoney needs a skill player who is not on the injury report. Start Kittle or watch 10.20 become a bottom-seven story.

**Tony's Terrific — Stafford.** Highest projection in the zeros. Stafford, featured Rams offense, first game Down Under. Terrific is currently an all-play L. Sitting Stafford to “see how he looks” is oven mitts again. Start Stafford. Rodgers is the other old man. One of them has to play.

**4th and INCHES — Mac Jones is gone.** 4th and INCHES dumped Mac and still sits second in all-play. Any remaining 49ers skill still starts. Melbourne will not save Geno. It might keep 18.75 from getting hunted on Sunday.

## Awards, because Thursday is still a holiday

**Current all-play seven:** DGAD, 4th and INCHES, My Team Sucks!, EzMoney, Ghost of Twomp, Dat's It, GolfNut.

**Current all-play cellar:** Ball Don't Lie (0.60), then the zero club — King James, BNF, Deepball, Haters, Tony, Kittle Corn.

**Best medical:** Haters if Loveland is already in at TE. Worst medical: Haters if Bowers is still in and they went to bed.

**Format reminder:** Week 1 is all-play, top seven / bottom seven, ignore Yahoo’s vs. lines. Superflex the rest of the year: two quarterbacks, first downs, pick-sixes are a war crime. Playoffs weeks 15-17, seven teams, commish still has not written a note. The lineup screen remains undefeated.

“One NFL game in and DGAD owns all-play, Sucks is in the money, and Kittle Corn has Gibbs and a zero. Am I Krumpin? This is a Thursday sample. Do not screenshot it as a standings.”

— 30 —

*Source: public Yahoo league 723314 matchups, Week 1; opener Seahawks 13, Patriots 10\. Week 1 scoring is all-play (top 7 win, bottom 7 lose), not head-to-head. Injury reports: Bowers meniscus / out Week 1; Darnold hip / expected to miss Week 2; A.J. Brown ankle, Patriots debut. Live scores, not final.*