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# Week 1 Melbourne: Dat's It threw a party, Twomp sat Deebo
- URL: https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/week-1-melbourne-dats-it-threw-a-party-twomp-sat-deebo/
- Published: 2026-09-11T03:45:23.000Z
- Updated: 2026-09-11T03:45:23.000Z
- Author: Joe
- Tags: Am I Krumpin

Melbourne Cricket Ground, 27-7 49ers. The Rams were the home team and got booed anyway. Two NFL games in the book. Week 1 is still all-play: top seven live totals get the W, bottom seven get the L. Yahoo’s vs. lines are still fan fiction. The board is not.

*By SKIP KRUMP · Senior Columnist, Unlicensed League Psychiatrist*

## What Melbourne actually did

Brock Purdy threw three touchdowns, ran a little, and handed Haters Gonna Hate a real number. Mike Evans scored in a 49ers uniform. Kyren Williams found the end zone in a loss. Christian McCaffrey did not explode; he just worked. Puka Nacua was fine, not a crown restoration. Matthew Stafford threw 155 yards, one pick, and 4.60 fantasy points, which is a long flight for a short night. George Kittle caught 12 yards. The format noticed who started the people who played, and who left 15 points on the pine.

## All-play after two NFL games (live)

Top seven currently win. Bottom seven currently lose. First number is live. Parentheses are the projection. Scorers from Seattle plus Melbourne are in the same line.

**The seven who would get the W right now**

1. **Dat's It 36.80 (130.15)** — Kyren Williams 15.10, Mike Evans 15.10, Jason Myers 6.60\. Forty-niner defense 10.00 sat on the bench and Dat's It still owns the board. Last ticket on Thursday. First name in Australia. All-play is a slot machine that paid.
2. **DGAD 26.00 (128.35)** — Jaxon Smith-Njigba 22.30, Davante Adams 3.70\. Allen still a Sunday problem. Adams was 26 yards in a blowout. Solved the board, still Cowboys D, still in the money. Less insufferable than 36.80\. Still insufferable.
3. **Haters Gonna Hate 24.30 (130.29)** — Brock Purdy 24.30: three passing TDs, 205 yards, 29 rush. Bowers is still a knee movie. The TE lecture can wait. The QB2 in Superflex just dragged Haters from a zero to third. That is the format working as advertised.
4. **GolfNut 24.10 (126.86)** — Hunter Henry 3.70, Christian McCaffrey 10.80 (68 rush, 20 receiving, five catches), Eddy Pineiro 9.60\. Lamar still has not played. The CMC trade is no longer a vibes argument. It is 10.80 and a kicker who made Australia look easy. Do not frame 24.10 as a personality. Do collect it.
5. **EzMoney 18.95 (104.26)** — Andy Borregales 6.00, A.J. Brown 4.20, Blake Corum 6.40, George Kittle 1.60, Rams D 0.75\. Kaelon Black 8.70 sat on the bench. Last column called 10.20 the first ticket to fall. Corum and a kicker said no. The projection 104 is a horror movie. The live 18.95 is still a win. Both can be true.
6. **4th and INCHES 18.75 (134.47)** — Rhamondre Stevenson 12.00, Patriots D 6.75\. Nobody from Melbourne. Geno still in the waiting room. Eighteen points of Thursday scraps, still sixth. The format is patient with trophy-case receivers until Sunday.
7. **My Team Sucks! 15.42 (121.50)** — Drake Maye 13.22, AJ Barner 2.20\. Seahawks D 15.75 still on the bench. No 49ers, no Rams, last seat in the win seven. Nominative determinism is hanging onto the cut line by a warning label.

**The seven who would get the L right now**

1. **King James 9.40 (127.88)** — Puka Nacua 9.40: 74 yards, five catches, two first downs. Commish. Crown. Not a zero anymore. Not a win either. All-play graded the 9.40, not the frequent-flyer miles.
2. **Ghost of Twomp 8.20 (127.64)** — Jadarian Price 8.20\. Deebo Samuel 15.20 sat on the bench: a touchdown, 48 yards. Two first-round QBs, a Thursday running back, and the wide receiver who actually scored in Melbourne watching from the pine. That is the self-own. Superflex ceiling, bench floor.
3. **Tony's Terrific Team 4.60 (128.46)** — Matthew Stafford 4.60: 155 yards, one INT. Highest projection in the old zeros club, then Australia handed Stafford a brick. Terrific is a strong word for 4.60 and an L.
4. **Dan's Deepball 1.00 (120.27)** — Harrison Mevis 1.00, one PAT. Burrow, Mahomes, Bijan, Chase, and a kicker who made an extra point in a 7-27 loss. Stars-and-scrubs got a point. It is still a loss.
5. **Ball Don't Lie 0.60 (128.45)** — Rashid Shaheed 0.60\. Four receiving yards, still. Henry and London have not played. Honest. Still under the cut.
6. **BNF 0.00 (139.42)** — Nobody from Seattle or Melbourne in the live total. Dart, Stroud, Nico, best projection in the zeros. Homework without a punch card.
7. **Kittle Corn 0.00 (133.75)** — Gibbs, Taylor, a new Kyler, CMC already shipped, Fields already benched, still nobody. The $161 sandwich has now missed two NFL games. All-play remains undefeated against this roster.

Cut line after Sucks. Seven above, seven below. Two games. Do not screenshot this as a standings. Do screenshot Twomp sitting Deebo.

## Wire

Kittle Corn is still speed-dating quarterbacks: Mason Rudolph, Cade Klubnik, Brian Robinson in; Pickett, Minshew, Lance out. Process: better than Fields. Live total: still 0.00\. 4th and INCHES already dumped Mac Jones for Cooper Rush. Dat's It grabbed Malachi Fields after Tyson hit IR. None of that scored in Melbourne.

## Love / hate

**Love:** Haters starting Purdy. Superflex is the point. 24.30 is the proof.

**Love:** Dat's It stacking Kyren and Evans and currently lapping the room. Sitting 49ers D was silly. Winning anyway is ruder.

**Hate:** Ghost of Twomp leaving Deebo at 15.20 on the bench. Price’s 8.20 is now a punchline.

**Hate:** Kittle Corn with two NFL games in the books and a zero. The waiver QB tour does not punch the clock by itself.

**Call (this column can be wrong):** Last time this space faded EzMoney’s 10.20\. EzMoney is still in the top seven. Fine. This time: Twomp’s 8.20 does not survive Sunday without those QBs. Fade the bench decision, not the name.

## Awards

**Current all-play seven:** Dat's It, DGAD, Haters, GolfNut, EzMoney, 4th and INCHES, My Team Sucks!

**Australia MVP, this league:** Purdy. **Australia brick:** Stafford. **Bench crime:** Twomp / Deebo. **Still a zero after two games:** BNF and Kittle Corn.

**Format:** Week 1 all-play, top seven / bottom seven, ignore H2H. Superflex the rest of the year. Sunday is the real sample. Playoffs weeks 15-17, seven teams.

“Two NFL games in and Dat's It has 36, Twomp sat Deebo, and Kittle Corn has still not punched a clock. Am I Krumpin? Melbourne was a 27-7\. Sunday is the adult table.”

— 30 —

*Source: public Yahoo league 723314 matchups, Week 1; opener Seahawks 13, Patriots 10; Melbourne 49ers 27, Rams 7\. Week 1 scoring is all-play (top 7 win, bottom 7 lose), not head-to-head. Live scores, not final. Draft via Norrin. Human publishes.*