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# Auction draft recap: fourteen men walked into a $200 fire
- URL: https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/auction-draft-recap-fourteen-men-walked-into-a-200-fire/
- Published: 2026-09-10T20:44:06.000Z
- Updated: 2026-09-10T21:11:16.000Z
- Author: Joe
- Tags: Am I Krumpin

![The Krumping Gazette masthead](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-1.jpg)

**AUCTION DRAFT RECAP • LEAGUE ID 723314 • SUPERFLEX • $200 SALARY CAP**

**FOURTEEN MEN WALKED INTO A $200 FIRE. ONLY THE WAIVER WIRE SURVIVED.**

*A Bill Simmons-style autopsy of the Am I Krumping? live Superflex auction, in which quarterbacks went like front-row Springsteen tickets, Christian McCaffrey cost less than Jahmyr Gibbs, and Kittle Corn spent $161 on three running backs and then started Justin Fields in a league that starts two quarterbacks.*

**By SKIP KRUMP** Senior Columnist, Unlicensed League Psychiatrist • September 8, 2026

Here's the thing about a 14-team, $200 salary-cap Superflex auction that starts at 6:30 on a Tuesday in September: it is not a draft. It is a hostage situation with a nomination clock and a quarterback shortage. Thirty seconds to throw a name into the blender. Twenty seconds to decide whether you are a serious person. Then somebody types $63 for Jahmyr Gibbs and the group chat never recovers.

I watched the whole thing. I took notes. I made a Levels of the Draft list on a napkin and then spilled LaCroix on the napkin, which is the most honest review of this league I can give you. Am I Krumping? — Yahoo league 723314, two divisions, six-team playoffs in Weeks 15-17, and a Q/W/R/T slot that is not a cute extra flex. It is Superflex. You can start two quarterbacks every week. In a 14-team league that is not a luxury. That is oxygen.

**THE SUPERFLEX TAX, EXPLAINED FOR THE PEOPLE WHO DRAFTED FIELDS**

Do the math before we start lighting people on fire. Fourteen teams. Every one of them wants a QB1 and a QB2, because the lineup is QB, two WRs, one RB, one TE, a W/T, a W/R, a W/R/T, a Q/W/R/T, a kicker and a D/ST. That last spot is where the second quarterback lives. Fourteen times two is twenty-eight starting QB slots. The NFL gives you about thirty-two real starters, plus the usual pile of backups who become relevant when somebody's knee does something ugly on a Sunday. In 1QB you can shrug and stream. In this format, the stream is a dried-up creek and the guy who waited on quarterback is starting Justin Fields and a prayer.

So when Josh Allen goes for $56, that is not a drunk nomination. That is the tax. Lamar at $50 is the tax. Burrow at $47 is the tax. Drake Maye at $52 is an aggressive version of the tax. Paying $37 for Patrick Mahomes as your second quarterback is how you win a Superflex league in December. Paying $1 for Fields as your first quarterback is how you become a weekly explainer in the group chat.

The rest of the scoring still matters. Interceptions are minus-2\. A pick-six is minus-4, which is the scoring equivalent of backing over your own mailbox. Receptions are 0.2\. First downs pay (0.5 receiving and rushing, 0.1 passing). So empty dump-offs are worthless and quarterbacks who run and throw first downs are the whole economy. If you built a team of Wes Welker impressions and one streaming QB, congratulations, you drafted a 2013 PPR roster in a 2026 Superflex league.

*"In Superflex, two startable quarterbacks is not a flex. It is the buy-in. Kittle Corn spent $161 on three running backs and left $1 for Justin Fields. That is not a strategy. That is a GoFundMe for a position they forgot existed."*

**THE LEVELS OF THE AUCTION**

Every Simmons column needs Levels. These are the Levels of Tuesday night.

**The "I Have Solved Superflex" Level.** DGAD paying $56 for Josh Allen and $43 for Jaxon Smith-Njigba, then getting Baker Mayfield for $29 as the actual second starter. That is a person who has used a spreadsheet, understands that Allen is a weekly cheat code in this format, and also has a pulse.

**The "Two Elite QBs, Then a Flea Market" Level.** Dan's Deepball going Bijan ($57), Chase ($46), Burrow ($47), Mahomes ($37). That is $187\. The remaining $13 purchased Keenan Allen, the Steelers defense, a kicker named Harrison Mevis, and the ghost of Tyreek Hill. In Superflex, Burrow plus Mahomes is the correct north star. The grief is not the quarterbacks. The grief is that the other ten roster spots are a group text that says "who is active this week."

**The "Running Back Autobahn, Quarterback Rest Stop" Level.** Kittle Corn. Nomination 1\. They opened by buying Christian McCaffrey for $52 — a reasonable CMC tax — and then paid $63 for Gibbs, the highest salary of the night, and $46 for Jonathan Taylor. Three workhorse backs. One budget. Justin Fields as the starting quarterback. In a 1QB league this is a fun bet. In Superflex this is how you go 3-11 with the best rushing attack in the room.

**The "Paid the QB Tax, Argued About the Receipt" Level.** Ghost of Twomp (Daniels $41, Caleb Williams $41) did the right thing and bought two young dual-threats. GolfNut (Lamar $50, Kyler $30) did the right thing and then built the skill positions out of range balls. Dat's It (Jordan Love $32, Bo Nix $40) paid the going Superflex rate for two starters. My Team Sucks! lighting $52 on Drake Maye is rich, but in this room Maye is a QB1 and QB1s are the inventory. Ball Don't Lie paying Goff $41 after already having Cousins at $17 is the one that still smells like a bidding war with yourself.

**The "Tight End Cinematic Universe" Level.** Haters Gonna Hate spent real money on Colston Loveland ($21) and Brock Bowers ($32), then also have Dalton Kincaid on the roster. That is three tight ends in a league with one TE slot and a W/T. The good news: they also bought Justin Herbert ($39) and Brock Purdy ($34), which is a perfectly respectable Superflex pair. The bad news: D'Andre Swift is still the RB1.

![Jahmyr Gibbs scoring](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-2.jpg)

*Exhibit A: Jahmyr Gibbs, $63, the most expensive player in a Superflex auction. That is a running back going for more than Josh Allen in a league that starts two quarterbacks. File under: the market had a night.*

**TEAM-BY-TEAM: THE ROAST MENU**

**1\. Kittle Corn — The $161 Sandwich With No Bread**

Nomination order: first. Ambition at running back: last. They took CMC at $52 (fine), Gibbs at $63 (a crime against the cap in any format, a war crime in Superflex), Taylor at $46 (the third scoop of ice cream). Combined: $161\. Remaining for two quarterbacks, two starting wideouts, a tight end, a kicker, a defense and six bench spots: $39.

The Week 1 lineup is a horror short. Justin Fields at QB. Emeka Egbuka and Alec Pierce as the wide receivers. Dallas Goedert at tight end. Kayshon Boutte in a flex. The running-back room could beat most of this league by itself. The rest of the roster could lose to a taxi squad in the UFL. They also drafted Calvin Ridley for a dollar, Kenny Pickett for a dollar, Trey Lance for a dollar and Gardner Minshew for a dollar. That is not a Superflex quarterback room. That is a quarterback support group.

In this format Fields is not a sneaky rushing floor. Fields is the reason you will be on the waiver wire in Week 2 looking for the third stringer in New Orleans. Grade: F if we are grading Superflex process, D+ if the three backs all finish top-eight and they trade one of them for an actual quarterback before November 28.

![Christian McCaffrey](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-3.jpg)

*CMC at $52 was the last reasonable decision Kittle Corn made before the evening turned into a running-back hostage video in a two-QB league.*

**2\. Dan's Deepball — Ocean's Four, Then the Gift Shop**

![Bijan Robinson](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-4.jpg)

*Bijan Robinson, $57\. The last time a Deepball felt this good, the rest of the roster still existed.*

![Joe Burrow](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-5.jpg)

*Joe Burrow, $47\. In Superflex he is not an expensive QB1\. He is half of a stacked pair.*

Bijan. Chase. Burrow. Mahomes. I respect the bit, and in Superflex I respect it twice. Burrow plus Mahomes is two weekly QB1s. That is how you break a 14-teamer over your knee in December. Chase and Bijan are the two players you would actually fly to watch. And then — and I need you to sit down — the next highest salary on this team is $3\. Keenan Allen is a dollar. Greg Dulcich is a dollar. Xavier Worthy is a dollar. Jerry Jeudy is a dollar. Tyreek Hill, who is either washed or a league-winner depending on which hour of the podcast you caught, is a dollar. Harrison Mevis is the kicker. The Steelers are the defense.

This is the 2010 Lakers if you replaced the bench with the parking attendant. When the four stars play, this team looks like a video game and Skip Bayless will pretend he invented Superflex. When Burrow's wrist or Mahomes' something-or-other shows up in a Tuesday report, they are starting Keenan Allen and praying to the FAB gods. The quarterback room is elite. The other ten spots are a rumor.

![Ja'Marr Chase](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-6.jpg)

*Ja'Marr Chase, $46, catching footballs and carrying an entire dollar-bin roster on his back.*

Grade: A- for the Superflex build, C for the part where football players get hurt and there is nobody behind them.

**3\. King James — The Respectable Superflex Build, With Dak in the Suite**

![Puka Nacua](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-7.jpg)

*Puka Nacua, $45\. King James bought the most inevitable target monster in the NFC West and then paid Saquon like he still had something to prove.*

Puka $45, Saquon $37, Hurts $42, Nabers $23, Dak $37\. That is a team. That is an actual Superflex team. Hurts is a rushing QB1 in a format that pays rushing QBs like royalty. Dak in the Q/W/R/T is not a luxury item. It is the second starter you are supposed to have. Nabers at $23 in this room is the kind of value that makes the rest of us look like we draft with oven mitts.

The grief: Carnell Tate and Jalen Coker and Michael Wilson are your depth. Cade Otton is the tight end. The Vikings defense is a dollar, which is either a steal or a cry for help depending on how Week 1 in Green Bay goes. Paying Dak $37 after already paying Hurts $42 is the Superflex tax collected in full. You will not love the bench. You will love Sunday at 1 and Sunday at 4.

![Saquon Barkley hurdling](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-8.jpg)

*Saquon at $37\. King James paid less for last year's personality of the NFC than Kittle Corn paid for Jonathan Taylor. File that under "the market is a lie."*

Grade: A-. Highest floor in the league if Hurts is Hurts. The name King James implies a title. This is a conference finals roster with two real quarterbacks. Don't get cute.

**4\. My Team Sucks! — Nominative Determinism, With a $52 Quarterback**

They named the team My Team Sucks! and then paid Drake Maye $52\. In a 1QB league that sentence is a punchline. In Superflex it is just the cost of a young QB1 in a 14-team room after Allen, Lamar, Burrow and the rest of the adults were spoken for. Maye going for more than Lamar is spicy. Maye going for the same number as CMC in a two-QB league is how the market was supposed to look.

The skill-position core is actually interesting: Ashton Jeanty $29, Kenneth Walker $39, Tetairoa McMillan $17, Jameson Williams $11, Tucker Kraft $4\. That is a rookie-heavy, boom-bust smoothie. Walker in Kansas City is the kind of sentence that sounded illegal two years ago and now just sounds expensive. Jeanty is the bet. The Superflex hole is behind Maye: Daniel Jones is the QB2\. That is a real drop from Maye to Jones, and in this format the drop is a weekly event.

They also have Tyler Loop kicking and the Ravens D/ST. There is a version of this roster that is 10-4 if Maye eats and Jeanty is what the scouting reports sold. There is a version that is 5-9 because the second quarterback is Daniel Jones and the team name writes the recap. Grade: C+. The QB1 spend was Superflex-correct. The QB2 spend was a shrug.

**5\. Tony's Terrific Team — Two Old Quarterbacks and the Only Adult Skill Room**

![Amon-Ra St. Brown](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-9.jpg)

*Amon-Ra St. Brown, $42\. The most professional wide receiver in a league that drafted like it had a group project due at midnight.*

Amon-Ra $42, Chase Brown $39, Stafford $35, Breece Hall $26, Luther Burden $12, DK Metcalf in a flex, Jake Ferguson at TE, Aaron Rodgers in the superflex, Chargers D, Jake Bates kicking. This is what a $200 Superflex team is supposed to look like if you decide the quarterbacks can be veterans. No $60 running back. No panic. Just a bunch of good players at prices that suggest Tony has opened a website that is not Twitter.

The grief, because I promised: starting Matthew Stafford as your QB1 in 2026 is a lifestyle choice. The Rodgers superflex is either a veteran savant move or a man who still has a Jets jersey in a storage unit. In Superflex I will take two aging starters over one Justin Fields. I will not pretend those two aging starters are Allen and Hurts. Rico Dowdle and Tank Bigsby and Tua on the bench is the kind of depth that wins you Week 11 and loses you Week 12\. Still: this is one of the three teams I would actually bet on if the league allowed betting, which it does not, which is the only thing this commissioner has gotten completely right.

Grade: B+. Terrific is a strong word. Two quarterbacks and competent skill is available.

**6\. Ball Don't Lie — Except the Price of Jared Goff**

Drake London $32, Derrick Henry $35, Zay Flowers $24, Omarion Hampton $36, Sam LaPorta (listed with a questionable tag, because of course), Marvin Harrison Jr. in a flex. That skill group is nasty. Hampton at $36 is the swing. If the Chargers backfield is a feature and not a timeshare, this is a playoff roster.

And then they paid Jared Goff $41 after already having Kirk Cousins at $17\. I need a minute, and then I need the Superflex disclaimer. Two starters is the assignment. Goff plus Cousins is two starters. That part is correct. The part that is not correct is Goff at $41 in a room where Jayden Daniels also went for $41 and Baker Mayfield went for $29\. That is the premium you pay when you lose a bidding war with yourself for a pocket passer who does not run. Cairo Santos is the kicker. The Bears are the defense. Kyle Monangai is in the lineup. There is a world where this team is a problem. There is a world where Goff's cap hit is the first slide in the "what we learned" PowerPoint.

Grade: B. The skill positions can cook. The quarterback room is two leftovers from a brunch menu that you still have to order in this format.

**7\. EzMoney — The Name Is Doing Heavy Lifting**

James Cook $46 is the most EzMoney sentence in the draft. Cook is a very good running back on a very good offense and $46 is what happens when you decide you will not leave Tuesday without a feature back and the feature backs are already gone. A.J. Brown $35, Chris Olave $24, George Kittle at TE, Trevor Lawrence $31, Malik Willis in the superflex. That is a real offense with a Jets-to-Jaguars quarterback situation and a Dolphins-adjacent quarterback on the bench.

Here is the Superflex problem: Lawrence is a fine QB1 if he is the good version, and Willis is a streaming dart, not a second starter. In this league that is how you leave points on the bench every week while DGAD is starting Allen and Baker. The depth is Blake Corum, Kenny Gainwell, Parker Washington, Cam Ward, De'Zhaun Stribling, Kaelon Black. I typed those names and felt myself aging. The Rams D/ST at $5 is one of the few defensive spends that isn't a dollar prayer. If Cook eats and Kittle is Kittle and Olave stays on the field for a full season — a request Olave has treated like a suggestion — this is a six-seed. If Lawrence is the 2024 version and Willis is just a name, we will be talking about this team in December as a warning about punting QB2.

Grade: C+. The money was not particularly Ez. The second quarterback is the leak.

**8\. DGAD — The Board, Solved**

![Josh Allen diving in the snow](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-10.jpg)

*Josh Allen, $56\. The correct first chip in a 14-team Superflex auction. Everything after this photo is how you build a champion around him.*

This is the team I would steal. Josh Allen $56 is not an overpay. It is the chip you slide into the middle of the table so you can sleep at night. In Superflex Allen is a positional cheat code — passing, rushing, first downs, the occasional dive into a snowbank. JSN $43 is the best wide receiver value of the first 15 nominations. Jeremiah Love $28 is a rookie running back swing that doesn't sink the cap. Baker Mayfield $29 in the superflex is the correct second quarterback: a real NFL starter, not a dart. Tyler Warren $13, Davante Adams $11, Jordan Addison in a flex, Travis Kelce for $3 because somebody in this league still thinks tight ends after 35 are a personality.

The grief: Brian Thomas Jr. is the WR2 and the Cowboys are the defense. Kelce at $3 is either a steal or a tribute album. The bench is Makai Lemon, Jakobi Meyers, Denzel Boston, Adonai Mitchell, Dontayvion Wicks. That is a lot of "if this hits I look smart" and not a lot of "I can survive two IR designations." Still: if I have to pick a team that was drafted by a person who understood the format and not by a mood, it's this one.

Grade: A. DGAD stands for something. After Tuesday I am choosing to believe it stands for Dual-Gunner Allen Dynasty.

**9\. Ghost of Twomp — Two First-Round QBs, Zero Running Game**

Jayden Daniels $41\. Caleb Williams $41\. That is $82 of young, mobile, thrilling quarterbacks, which is exactly how you are supposed to spend money in Superflex if you believe the kids. The format loves this. Both of these guys run. Both of these guys can win a week by themselves. The rest of the roster does not love this. Travis Etienne $29 is your RB1\. George Pickens $25 is your WR1\. Quentin Johnston is your WR2\. Harold Fannin Jr. is your tight end. Courtland Sutton is a flex. MarShawn Lloyd and Jadian Price are the running-back depth. Brandon Aubrey is the best part of the kicking universe and the Broncos D is a dollar.

I want to like this team because the quarterback room is the correct Superflex swing. I cannot like this team because the starting wide receivers are Pickens and Quentin Johnston, which is a sentence that should be followed by a therapy recap, not a Week 1 lineup. Twomp — whoever Twomp was — deserved a better ghost and a better running back.

Grade: B-. High ceiling if the QBs go nuclear, which is why you bought them. Low floor if Etienne is still sharing and Johnston is still Johnston.

**10\. Haters Gonna Hate — The Tight End Thinkpiece With Two Real QBs**

![Brock Bowers](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-11.jpg)

*Brock Bowers, $32, plus Colston Loveland for $21\. Haters Gonna Hate drafted a tight end conference and, to their credit, also two starting quarterbacks.*

Colston Loveland $21 with the 10th nomination of the entire auction. That is a choice. Then Brock Bowers $32\. Then later Dalton Kincaid. The starting lineup has Loveland at TE and Bowers at W/T, which is the only construction that makes the spend look intentional. Justin Herbert $39 and Brock Purdy $34 is the part the Superflex standings will remember. That is two NFL starters. That is how you stop bleeding points at the most important position in the league.

Garrett Wilson and Terry McLaurin are the wideouts. D'Andre Swift is the RB1\. Chris Rodriguez Jr. is a flex. In a 0.2-PPR, first-down-heavy league, elite tight ends who catch the ball on third down are actually the correct weird build. I will give them that. What I will not give them is Swift as a workhorse and McLaurin as a WR2 in 2026 without a little side-eye. The Jaguars D is a dollar. Tyler Shough is on the bench. If Bowers is a top-three TE and Loveland is the real thing, the haters will have to find a new hobby. If both are just fine, this team is a 8-6 lecture about positional scarcity that still has two quarterbacks, which is more than half the league can say.

Grade: B. I hate that I kind of get it. The quarterbacks save the thinkpiece.

**11\. GolfNut — Lamar, Kyler, and a Bag of Range Balls**

![Lamar Jackson](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-12.jpg)

*Lamar Jackson, $50\. The correct QB1 price in Superflex. Everything after this photo is a greenside bunker.*

Lamar at $50 is not the problem. It is the assignment. Kyler Murray at $30 as the second starter is also the assignment: two rushing quarterbacks in a format that prints points for rushing quarterbacks. Javonte Williams at $30 as your RB1 is the problem you cannot hide behind the quarterbacks. DJ Moore $19 and DeVonta Smith $19 is a perfectly fine WR pair that will finish as WR18 and WR22 and make you wonder why you feel poor. Quinshon Judkins and Tony Pollard are the other backs. Hunter Henry is the tight end. Eddy Pineiro is kicking. The Texans are the defense. Bryce Young and Shedeur Sanders are on the bench, which is the quarterback version of owning two extra putters and still three-putting.

GolfNut drafted like a man who had a 7:40 tee time on Wednesday and also, to his credit, understood Superflex. Get Lamar. Get Kyler. Get two decent wideouts. Get a running back who has been "this is the year" for three years. Get in the car. The quarterback room will keep them in games. The standings will be decided by Javonte.

Grade: B-. Lamar and Kyler will win them four weeks by themselves. The other ten weeks are a club sandwich.

**12\. BNF — Nico, Rice, Achane, and a Rookie Named Dart**

![Nico Collins](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-13.jpg)

*Nico Collins, $32\. The quietest WR1 of the night, which is how you know BNF was the only manager who read a ranking that was not a vibes account.*

Nico $32 is a bargain in any room that paid Puka $45 and JSN $43\. Rashee Rice $28 is the bet that Kansas City's passing game still funnels to the slot. De'Von Achane $35 is your RB1 and also a health plan. Then the quarterback room, which is the Superflex swing of the draft: Jaxson Dart $36 as the starter, C.J. Stroud $21 in the superflex. Dart at $36 is the most confident rookie-QB spend of the night. I admire it. I also have a calendar. The good news is they did not leave the second slot empty. Stroud is a former first overall pick sitting in the Q/W/R/T for twenty-one dollars. That is how you play the format even when you are betting on a kid.

Kyle Pitts is the tight end, which is the fantasy equivalent of keeping a boat you don't take out. Bucky Irving and Jonathon Brooks and TreVeyon Henderson are the running-back committee behind Achane, which is actually good process. The Eagles D/ST is the best defensive roster spot in the league. If Dart is real, BNF looks like a genius who bought Nico on sale. If Dart is a rookie, they are starting Stroud and calling it a plan, which is still a plan. Grade: B. I like the wideouts. I like that they bought two quarterbacks. I am holding the Dart receipt.

**13\. 4th and INCHES — Two Alphas and a Superflex Punt**

![Justin Jefferson](https://krumpin.jbhobby.com/content/images/2026/09/gazette-Krumping_Gazette_2026_Draft_Recap-14.jpg)

*Justin Jefferson, $38, next to CeeDee Lamb at $37\. 4th and INCHES bought the two receivers you would actually pay to watch and then handed Superflex to Geno Smith.*

Jefferson $38 and Lamb $37 is the best wide-receiver room in the league and it is not close. In 0.2 PPR that room is slightly less nuclear than in full PPR, but first downs still print and these two still print first downs. Trey McBride $19 is the correct tight end. Tee Higgins in a flex. Cam Skattebo $19 as the RB1 is the swing, and I mean swing like a 3-wood off the deck. Rhamondre and Chuba are the other backs. Geno Smith is the quarterback. Jacoby Brissett is the superflex. Harrison Butker is the kicker. Patriots D.

This is a championship offense attached to a Superflex situation that feels like a backup plan that became the plan. Geno plus Brissett is how you finish 16th in quarterback points in a league that starts twenty-eight of them a week. Skattebo as RB1 in a 14-teamer is how you end up streaming running backs in October and telling your group chat you "like the volume." If they survive the backfield and somehow find a second quarterback on waivers or at the trade deadline, the receivers will carry them into Week 15\. If they don't, they will be the most aesthetically pleasing 5-9 team in league history.

Grade: C. The inches are the quarterback room. In Superflex those inches are a mile.

**14\. Dat's It — Two QBs, One Kyren, and Mike Evans for Eight Bucks**

Jordan Love $32 and Bo Nix $40\. That is $72 on quarterbacks, which is not an accident and not a joke. That is the Superflex buy-in collected after Allen, Lamar, Burrow, Hurts, Daniels, Maye and Herbert were already off the board. Nix at $40 is the price of a guy who just had a nice year when the alternative was hoping the waiver wire invents a starter in Week 4\. Kyren Williams $30 is a solid RB1\. Waddle $26 and Ladd McConkey $21 is a fine WR pair. Mike Evans at $8 is the steal of the flex round if he is still Mike Evans. Mark Andrews at TE. David Montgomery in a flex. Packers D. Jason Myers kicking.

The name is Dat's It, which I choose to read as a man who wanted to go to bed after he secured two quarterbacks. T.J. Hockenson on the bench next to Josh Jacobs (listed as O, because this league cannot have nice things) is actual depth, rare as water in this auction. The grief is not Nix at $40\. The grief is that one of those QBs is a QB1 and one is a QB2 and the RB2 is still Isaiah Likely. They did the important thing. They just did it with the eighth-best quarterback pair in the room.

Grade: B-. Sleepers everywhere. Two quarterbacks. A starting lineup that will feel great until the first bye week.

**THE AWARDS, BECAUSE SOMEBODY HAS TO HAND OUT THE HARDWARE**

| **AWARD**                      | **WINNER AND THE CRIME**                                                                                        |
| ------------------------------ | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| **Most Expensive Anything**    | Jahmyr Gibbs, $63, Kittle Corn. Higher than Allen. Higher than Lamar. In Superflex, that is the tell.           |
| **Best Superflex Pair**        | Dan's Deepball (Burrow $47, Mahomes $37) and DGAD (Allen $56, Mayfield $29). Everyone else is chasing.          |
| **Best Nominal Value**         | Baker Mayfield $29 (DGAD), Stroud $21 (BNF), Mike Evans $8 (Dat's It), Nabers $23 (King James), Nico $32 (BNF). |
| **Worst Dollar Spent**         | Gibbs at $63 in a two-QB league, with a silver medal to Fields as a Superflex QB1.                              |
| **Most Predictable Team Name** | My Team Sucks!, who then paid the Superflex tax on Maye and left Daniel Jones as the sequel.                    |
| **Tight End Hoarder**          | Haters Gonna Hate: Loveland, Bowers, Kincaid. A TE room with its own group chat.                                |
| **Stars-and-Scrubs Champion**  | Dan's Deepball, $187 on four players, $13 on civilization. The four include two QB1s, so it might work.         |
| **Forgot What League This Is** | Kittle Corn (Fields) and 4th and INCHES (Geno / Brissett). Beautiful skill, empty Superflex.                    |
| **Sleeper Manager**            | Tony's Terrific Team. Two veteran QBs, actual players at actual prices. Boring in the way that wins.            |

**POST-DRAFT POWER RANKINGS**

Not final. Not scientific. Weighted for Superflex, because this league starts two quarterbacks and pretending otherwise is how you draft Fields. Just the ranking I would send Ryen if Ryen cared about a 14-team Yahoo league called Am I Krumping?

| **#**  | **TEAM**                 | **THE ONE-LINER**                                                                            |
| ------ | ------------------------ | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| **1**  | **DGAD**                 | Allen plus Mayfield plus JSN. The only roster that looks like it read the scoring settings.  |
| **2**  | **Dan's Deepball**       | Burrow and Mahomes is a Superflex cheat code. The bench is a fire hazard.                    |
| **3**  | **King James**           | Hurts plus Dak, Puka, Saquon, Nabers. Two QBs and a real offense.                            |
| **4**  | **Tony's Terrific Team** | Stafford and Rodgers are old. They are also two starters. The skill room is clean.           |
| **5**  | **Haters Gonna Hate**    | Herbert and Purdy save the tight-end thinkpiece. Swift is still the leak.                    |
| **6**  | **Ghost of Twomp**       | Daniels and Caleb is the correct young-QB stack. The skill group is a preseason depth chart. |
| **7**  | **BNF**                  | Dart-or-Stroud is still two quarterbacks. Nico and Rice on sale. Quietly dangerous.          |
| **8**  | **GolfNut**              | Lamar and Kyler will keep them interesting. Javonte will keep them humble.                   |
| **9**  | **Dat's It**             | Love and Nix is the buy-in. Evans at $8 is the heist. The RB2 is a tight end.                |
| **10** | **Ball Don't Lie**       | Goff and Cousins count as two QBs. Goff at $41 still counts as a self-own.                   |
| **11** | **My Team Sucks!**       | Maye is a real Superflex QB1\. Daniel Jones is the reason the name still works.              |
| **12** | **EzMoney**              | Cook, AJB, Olave, Kittle. Lawrence plus Willis is how you punt the format.                   |
| **13** | **4th and INCHES**       | Jefferson and Lamb can cover a lot. They cannot cover Geno and Brissett every week.          |
| **14** | **Kittle Corn**          | Three elite backs. One Fields. In Superflex that is a beautiful way to finish last.          |

**THE CLOSING ARGUMENT**

Fourteen teams. Two hundred dollars. Twenty-eight quarterback slots. A nomination clock that treats indecision like a crime. Somebody in this league is going to win Weeks 15 through 17 and act like Tuesday night was a masterpiece. It was not a masterpiece. It was a live Superflex auction in which Gibbs cost more than Allen, a running-back triumvirate cost $161, and two managers treated the most important position in the format like a kicker.

The scoring system will decide the rest. First downs matter more than catches. Pick-sixes are a four-point war crime. The Q/W/R/T slot means the second quarterback is the feature, not a flex you forgot to fill. Playoffs are six teams, reseeded, Weeks 15-17\. Trade deadline is November 28\. FAB waivers roll all year. In other words: the managers who bought two starters are playing the league they signed up for. The managers who bought three running backs and Justin Fields are about to discover that the waiver wire does not stock Josh Allen.

I will be here. The Gazette prints Tuesdays and whenever somebody starts Fields in a two-QB league and calls it a process. Week 1 is coming. The Krumping is no longer a question. It is a schedule.

*"Am I Krumping? After this auction the answer is yes. All of you. Some of you just have Josh Allen and Baker Mayfield, so it will look like dancing."*

**BOX SCORE OF THE NIGHT**

Highest salary: Jahmyr Gibbs $63 (Kittle Corn), in a Superflex league. First nomination: CMC to Kittle Corn at $52\. Best Superflex pair on the board: Burrow and Mahomes to Dan's Deepball. Last useful steal: Mike Evans $8 to Dat's It. Worst process: two teams leaving Tuesday with one startable quarterback. Commissioner note: not a cash league, which is the only reason fourteen friendships survive September.

*— 30 —*

*The Krumping Gazette. Est. whenever the commissioner allowed it. Corrections welcome, dignity not returned.*